Monday, 24 September 2007

Parents behaving badly

An estimated 30,000 children a year have to undergo the divorce or separation of their parents each year here in Finland and the split-ups cause significant economic consequences for society with benefits paid out to single parents.

In the year 2005 such benefits were paid out to the amount of 420 million Euros and now the Finnish Family Federation calls for more efforts to prevent divorces and split-ups with more couples courses and psychotherapy services as help with the problems. Finland is currently rated third in European divorce statistics right after Belgium and Sweden. I just wonder if the commonly prevailing co-habiting that exists here in Finland is counted into these statistics?

At the same time Finns married to foreigners could have a more difficult time getting a divorce in the future, if the European Commission's current plan to standardise divorce procedures is approved. According to the new regulation, Finnish courts handling divorces might be forced to adapt to another country's stricter laws than their own and an expatriate Finn might not be granted divorce according to Finnish law any longer.

Well breaking up a relationships is never easy and it scars all the persons involved severely, some more than others but the kids always are the losers, but then you can not make pretend just for the children’s sake like some friends of mine did some years back, it all ended even more nastily than it would have had to as the situation got out of control in the end. We are here to live our own lives and no one is there to tell you about your choices. They might not always be the right ones for everyone concerned, but they are yours and you are the only one to blame.

They say the healing takes time, well I wonder if that works in all cases. One couple I know got divorced 17 years ago and they still get raging rows going, and both have been happily married since, well the other has actually been happily married several times since. Three times married actually, to be honest.

Even trickier problems seem to turn up when the kids grow up and you try to act civil with your ex-spouse and as parent you are expected to make an example with your own behaviour, well, some times you just wish the earth would split open under your feet as the kids are there to see and hear you behaving badly, especially against the weekend parent. It is amazing to see two normally sane adults act like insane, shouting in rage. Just one word might trigger the whole situation, so who are we to judge who is to divorce or stay married?

Maybe getting a divorce is too easy, especially when there are children involved but in some cases it is only for the good for all involved the ex-spouses never ever lay their eyes on each other again, not even to pick up or leave their children at the other parent’s house when using their visitation rights.

No comments:

Post a Comment